Competition Sucks and I Love Every Minute Of It

This past weekend I competed in a submission only event in jiu jitsu.

This competition was different because it put me against my old team and a former teammate.

There was a lot of drama behind the scenes that go beyond the scope of this email, but let's just say it made me want to win more than normal mainly because I know they really wanted to beat me.

The whole leadup to competition is a roller coaster for me.

I'm a high anxiety guy.

It's the way I've always been wired.

I also had to deal with the drama distractions and some internet trolls attacking behind anonymous accounts.

And this was all a little new.

This made it more excited and put me into a deeper focus on cultivating my inner state, with meditation, reflection, and mental rehearsal.

Now the match ended up being a draw, with neither one of submitting the other, but as you can see in the video here, I controlled most of the match.

I'm happy with my performance although there are some things I'm nitpicking and correcting in hindsight.

But that's part of the game!

I was going against a brown belt who has trained in combat probably about half the time I've been alive.

But what this event and the leadup to it revealed to me is that it's always you versus yourself.

There is no opponent.

It's about growing in the moment, by being deeply alive in the moment.

And in those 8 minutes I was all THERE.

And that to me is as good of a teaching experience that there is!

Hope you all have day friends!

- Billy

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